Darling please forgive my extended absence. I was on a top, top, top secret mission, as we got word that my fellow ARDOR agent (and former Solid Gold Dancer) “The Gypsy” might still be alive!
It was believed that she’d perished during the Greenland export revolt. But you’re probably sick to death of hearing about that. Long story short, I got a tip that she was now laundering money in connection with a black market ice ring. Let the games begin!
My informant told me to visit the Lucky Kapakka Casino, and ask for Maqi — he would tell me where to find my gal. Of course I recognized Maqi immediately, he might as well have been wearing “Tipster” cologne.
No words were spoken — his hand said it all. Christ, even my Stupid Sister Viva could have decoded the message in his cards, which gave me The Gypsy’s exact location: the local laundromat. Credit where credit’s due: nobody does irony like the Greenlanders!
And there she was, as beautiful as the day I last saw her, playing the part of Money Laundress so magnificently. Of course old habits die hard, and so The Gypsy was running her own side business: Greenland’s first pole dancing school! She’d made her translator, the gamine Eqarina, her business partner.
Needless to say, the women of Greenland are very bored. And the uber-stoic men of Greenland; put it this way: no need for sleep aids there. Just try to have a conversation (or engage any other activity, for that matter) with one of them. You won’t be able to keep your eyes open. The Gyspy saw an opportunity and capitalized on it.
Still, I convinced her it was time to come home, once Eqarina assured her she’d keep the business thriving. And with that, we counted the krone, and celebrated over much wine and a traditional Greenland dish made of marine mammals.