Category Archives: In The Line Of Duty

I think I have more fun on the job than off. With just a few exceptions.

Le Détecteur de Connerie






It means “Bullshit Detector.’ But that just sounds so banal, darling. The latest from the R&D geniuses at ARDOR: Le détecteur de connerie (It means “Bullshit Detector; But that just sounds so banal, darling). It has a 5 mile range … Continue reading






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“The Silver Fox”: so close!






I was so close to finally capturing that one creature that has managed to evade my clutches, The Silver Fox. I picked up on his hypnotic scent at Latitude: 37°46′42.211″N Longitude: 122°23′22.052″ (quelle surprise!), and followed him to the very … Continue reading






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Off The Grid…






Thanks to idiotic local law enforcement (SFPD AMATEURS!) blowing my cover (and that of my partner, Matti) on a recent top-secret international mission, we’ve been forced deep underground until further notice. Matti (you may recall he was my adorable captor … Continue reading






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My Latest Undercover Assignment






Infiltrating a Somali pirate training facility. I suspect my greatest challenge on this one will be “blending.”






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Return Of The Gypsy!






Darling please forgive my extended absence.  I was on a top, top, top secret mission, as we got word that my fellow ARDOR agent (and former Solid Gold Dancer) “The Gypsy” might still be alive! It was believed that she’d … Continue reading






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Bolivian Oblivion






When ARDOR informed me they’d intercepted “intelligence” (the occasional irony of that word never ceases to amuse me) that RANCOR had a factory in Bolivia that was manufacturing a knock-off H1N1 vaccination that was about to hit the international black … Continue reading






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Not-so Brave New World.






This time, RANCOR has gone too far. Personally, I think my time is much better spent fighting real crime and threats to world peace. But it’s hard to find time for that when one walks out one’s door, only to … Continue reading






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Adieu to “The King Of Porn” Bjorn






I don’t normally take “souvenir shots” after successfully accomplishing a mission — where would I keep such an enormous collection even if I did? But I couldn’t resist this time. Because the very arrogant target swore that his walls were … Continue reading






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THE most elite team ever assembled: The MRS






The past few months have been spent training Empress Of The Universe Angeline Jolie for her latest part as a world-class spy in the film Salt. Much to my chagrin. I’m over it. But apparently they could find no one … Continue reading






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Now Hiring: Bodyguard






I’ve going to be on assignment in the middle east in a few short weeks, and the brains at ARDOR have decided that due to current unrest there, I will need a bodyguard. Can you believe that? A bodyguard! But… … Continue reading






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