It's a tradition when Yves and I are together, the red berets.
I spent the weekend in Paris, sort-of a working holiday. A chance to catch up with my dear darling friend Yves (he is so much fun to shop with!), as well as test a new gadget from our weapons department: a machine that samples DNA of everyone within 50 yards. And it has a species setting, so you can choose the DNA sampling size that’s right for your needs. We thought we’d try it out at the Centre Pompidou (a modern art museum). It blended nicely with their current exhibit. And.. it worked beautifully!
The only downside of the whole weekend: Jimmy “Quantum of Needy” Bond won’t stop texting me. And I refuse to change my number again. Even if I did, He’d always be able to get it again. If only he could get a life as easily.
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 2:54 pm. Add a comment
mamman
If you want to see where I get it, take a look. It’s mom, in her prime — she had zero tolerance for guests who overstay their welcome. She was such fun. I really miss her.
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 1:21 pm. 1 comment
Pay up, A.R.D.O.R.!
It appears I’m under surveillance. An envelope containing a series of photographs was recently sent to A.R.D.O.R. — along with some, um, “demands”. I can only reproduce this one because the others reveal a target that I had under serveillance and was tailing on the day the photos were taken.
Bond, if this is you trying to get even for last weekend is Paraguay, three words: LET IT GO. But I suspect it’s not; this isn’t really your style…
Posted 2 years, 12 months ago at 12:46 am. 1 comment
My 1st love. I suppose he's still pretty cute.
HOW WE MET: Freshman year, ITSOA (Int’l Top Secret Operative Academy). I kicked his ass in underwater sniper techniques. Let’s just say he was easily distracted.
MOST ANNOYING HABIT: Talks in his sleep.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: Fat farm when he was 14 (how do I know? Talks in his sleep).
SURPRISING FACT: Cries at weddings.
Posted 3 years ago at 12:16 am. Add a comment
Taught me so much about myself -- as a woman.
HOW WE MET: Spy Spa Retreat
MOST ANNOYING HABIT: Says “I’ll call you”, then never calls.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: Bed covered with cuddly stuffed animals.
SURPRISING FACT: Needier than you’d think.
Posted 3 years ago at 12:11 am. Add a comment
Bond needs to teach him how to dress
HOW WE MET: We had a hit together, both of us stationed on a tightrope. He was trying to impress me and slipped. I caught him. He thanked me. Over and over. All night long. He couldn’t stop thanking me.
MOST ANNOYING HABIT: Answers every question with a question.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: Cannot drive a stick to save his life.
SURPRISING FACT: Started a musical theatre camp for needy children in Wisconsin.
Posted 3 years ago at 12:05 am. Add a comment
I do wish he'd smile more
HOW WE MET: Pure coincidence: a fenderbender in Monaco. Best part: he was with his then-fiance.
MOST ANNOYING HABIT: Talks with his mouth full.
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: Wears a girdle (but only under his tux).
SURPRISING FACT: Makes homemade ice cream.
Posted 3 years ago at 11:54 pm. Add a comment
Let's race!
Some people restore and revitalize by purging their bodies of toxins. I do so by purging my body of adrenaline. You might be surprised how much adrelaline my body can secrete. I suppose it’s why I’m so good at what I do: facing death on a daily basis (usually under indescribably terrifying circumstances), while having to maintain a facade of glamorous calm.
So when I do get some time off, I don’t want to think about glamour, or calm, or anything else that reminds me of work. I just want to have a little fun. And what better way than on my trusty Nighthawk? Sure it’s a quaint little machine, but it has such sentimental value. Merci, Georges!
Posted 3 years ago at 10:32 am. Add a comment
At a time when so many people are unemployed, I should not be complaining about my workload. I’m fortunate to have a lucrative, exciting career that allows me to travel the world and meet the most intriguing people and attend the most spectacular international events where I am required to wear stunning designer couture; and to have an “employer” that pays all my expenses, since I need homes throughout the world in order to function efficiently.
But I’m tired. I was hoping 2009 would be a calm year so I could focus on my hobbies. I’ve registered for a class in Cessna restoration and am scheduled to get my underwater demolition instructor license (I try to give back to the community where I can). But all that will have to wait.
Sweden has begged our help in decoding some strange cyber activity. So yours truly was sent to their aid, as I blend very well among the Scandinavians. Now it’s covert training time 24/7, under night’s endless cover. They call it the land of the midnight sun. I call it the land of the midday moon. No wonder they’re so humorless. But the Swedes do know how to unwind after a full day. They live for their outdoor hot tubs, massage, and vodka. So I remain focused; eye on the prize, eye on the prize.
Posted 3 years, 1 month ago at 12:49 pm. Add a comment
I must admit, the resemblance is uncanny.
Apparently I have a doppleganger in San Francisco. It’s been pointed out to me that if you visit myadultland.com, you can step inside the quaint life of someone who bears a remarkable resemblance to yours truly. I’ll have to look her up when next I visit The City By The Bay. It would be nice to spend time with a civilian for a change. Someone with a normal life.
Posted 3 years, 1 month ago at 9:17 am. Add a comment
