I am currently enduring what is by far my most challenging Top Secret mission to date. In fact, I should not even be reporting at this time, doing so could compromise our position; but I feel I must, for fear I may not survive this torture.
I’ve been assigned a desk — even worse, darling, CUBICLE! — position in an international healthcare corporation that, it turns out, is a major funder of a multi-million dollar underground toddler beauty pageant “ring”. It sounds innocent enough, but trust me, things do get ugly at their events — think Romper Room meets Fight Club. Despite that, in hindsight, going undercover as a stage mother would have been far less agonizing than this.
Fun Fact: I knew I was destined for undercover work at a very young age, as Miss Barbara never uttered the words, “I see Vulva” when looking through her magic mirror.