Author Archives: vulvafervor
Uber Agent Recruitment in the Time of Techno Pussies
The western US is not the only entity suffering a drought these days. Here at ARDOR we are downright desperate (a word I’ve never before said aloud) for new talent. Finding, virile, brilliant, dashing, self-sufficient, young people; capable of critical … Continue reading
! Being an elite peacekeeping agent really works up my appetite! Here, I multitask by satisfying my hunger while eliminating evil forces in the world! This taco tastes as delicious as it looks. But don’t be fooled: it’s also a … Continue reading
My Night With Kimye
Regrets? I’ve had ONE, in all my years as an elite peacekeeping agent, and it’s this: That I didn’t give these two a hard lesson in minding your manners (and having a little dignity, for the sake of their offspring) … Continue reading
Recon and Recharge!
When I’m between assignments, nothing refreshes the mind and the body quite like a getaway to a peaceful, remote, unknown to the FAA spot. Being an elite international peacekeeping agent means I’ve greater access to such locations than most people … Continue reading
J’adore Philippe et Kristof! I recently had the pleasure of working with them both on Operation: Sinsation (don’t look at me, darling; I don’t name these things). Their combined (in tandem!) attention to detail — undercover, yet — is beyond … Continue reading
Torture by Cubicle: How do civilians do it, darling!
I am currently enduring what is by far my most challenging Top Secret mission to date. In fact, I should not even be reporting at this time, doing so could compromise our position; but I feel I must, for fear … Continue reading
See No Evil? Decide For Yourself!
It appears I’m enjoying a relaxing day at the salon, but actually darling I’m having the Retinal Scan Cam downloaded. It’s an extraordinary invention that plants a temporary “film” onto the eye’s retina so that all images I see for … Continue reading
Something You’ll Never See On “The Real Housewives Of Marin.”
Not every assignment can be fabulous, darling! Here I prepare for a stint as a Marin soccer mom to break up an international narcotics ring. I do know this, those men are restless, wondering where their wives are at night. … Continue reading
In The Line Of Danger. Where else would I be, darling!
Being a toxophilite, archery is one my favorite parts of new recruit training (along with bladework and of course fastroping). Young agents sometimes have a hard time keeping their eye on the target, so I find it helpful (and a … Continue reading
God save the queen, because I’m tired of doing so, darling!
I was hoping my time on this side of the pond would be pure R&R, enjoying the games as Wills & Kate’s guest. Not the case, darling! Turns out there’s been a threat against the queen’s life, and yours truly … Continue reading