coming to a theatre near you: “The Vulva Dialogues”

Donaphin Blair will be chief photographer on the project, beginning with this shot.

Donaphin Blair will be chief photographer on the project, beginning with this shot.

The ink is dry on the deal: my long-awaited memoirs, “The Vulva Dialogues”, will be published in the fall of 2009. But that’s not all. Hollywood does not let a story as intrigueing and captivating as mine go unnoticed. The are going to begin filming as I write. It’s never been done before. I’m currently holed up in a suite at a 5-star resort (the location of which I cannot disclose) so that I might focus on the telling of my tales, reliving each extraordinary detail as I recall it.

Apparently Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman are both frothing at the mouth to  star in the film version. Though I am flattered, I cannot say the feeling is mutual in either case.

Put another way: Over My Dead Body. Mother Earth Jolie still has not returned my Kunikane (I mean really, is it a good idea to have that around with so many children running loose?). As for Ms. Thurman, well there’s really nothing I can say here until the matter of the confidentiality clause (the one she signed, not me!) is resolved.

My brilliant agent, Gianni.

With my brilliant agent, Gianni.

I’m getting my first taste of fame. I was assigned a bodyguard. And an agent. They even offered a personal trainer — which I thought a tad absurd. What next? It’s a whole new chapter and I’m very excited to see what the future holds. Do stay tuned…

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