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Are you satisfied now, Facebook darling?
After some strident negotiations, Social Media Goliath Facebook has allowed me to return to their site, under one condition: I’m now represented on a page, rather than a profile.
I said “Honestly, darling, what’s the difference?”
But you know how Goliaths are, so I let The Big One win. For now. So please if you haven’t already, become a fan of my new page by following this link. And then the adventures can really begin…
Ciao!
V
Squealing with delight at the sight of each line, as if it were her first.
Imagine my delight when our weapons department came up with its latest stroke of genius: a mirror that wipes out short term memory! They asked me to take it home for a few days “live with it, test it out.” Boy, did they ever ask the right gal. Because my stupid sister Viva is crashing on my sofa right now.
And like moth to flame…
Bitch still steals all my stuff. Last time it was the Dior Lipstick prototype from our Chemical Weapons Division. Time before that, the Jimmy Choo reptile boots that shoot tranquilizer darts. It was funny, someone targeted her when she was wearing them because they thought she was me! And that’s when we found the perfect job for Viva: decoy.
But please don’t tell her. If she knows, she just blow it. If she must stay here — rent free, I might add — until we complete our family counseling sessions (don’t ask), she might as well make herself useful. Even if she doesn’t know it. Of course I would never let any harm come to her…
Don't let us interrupt you!
Look! Here she is playing with the compact version. She loves mirrors. Very attractive design, I must admit.
mamman
If you want to see where I get it, take a look. It’s mom, in her prime — she had zero tolerance for guests who overstay their welcome. She was such fun. I really miss her.
Donaphin Blair will be chief photographer on the project, beginning with this shot.
The ink is dry on the deal: my long-awaited memoirs, “The Vulva Dialogues”, will be published in the fall of 2009. But that’s not all. Hollywood does not let a story as intrigueing and captivating as mine go unnoticed. The are going to begin filming as I write. It’s never been done before. I’m currently holed up in a suite at a 5-star resort (the location of which I cannot disclose) so that I might focus on the telling of my tales, reliving each extraordinary detail as I recall it.
Apparently Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman are both frothing at the mouth to star in the film version. Though I am flattered, I cannot say the feeling is mutual in either case.
Put another way: Over My Dead Body. Mother Earth Jolie still has not returned my Kunikane (I mean really, is it a good idea to have that around with so many children running loose?). As for Ms. Thurman, well there’s really nothing I can say here until the matter of the confidentiality clause (the one she signed, not me!) is resolved.
With my brilliant agent, Gianni.
I’m getting my first taste of fame. I was assigned a bodyguard. And an agent. They even offered a personal trainer — which I thought a tad absurd. What next? It’s a whole new chapter and I’m very excited to see what the future holds. Do stay tuned…
class of '08
Due to high demand, I’ve opened the “Vulva Fervor Assassin School For Little Ladies.” Do not be fooled by their innocent faces. They’re dangerous.
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