Uber Agent Recruitment in the Time of Techno Pussies

The western US is not the only entity suffering a drought these days. Here at ARDOR we are downright desperate (a word I’ve never before said aloud) for new talent. Finding, virile, brilliant, dashing, self-sufficient, young people; capable of critical thinking; capable of both giving and taking a beating; capable of getting through a hand of poker (no, not the kind you play on your device) without adjusting their hoodie — the search is absolutely exhausting me, darling.

At today’s recruitment fair, I CANNOT TELL YOU how many showed up expecting to dazzle me with an app they designed, resplendent with endless features meant to add convenience to the elite peacekeeping agent’s daily workload. Convenience? CONVENIENCE? Please darling, if convenience were a priority I would not have become a glamorous international operative! The last thing on my mind, at their age, in any context,  was convenience. Truly, this is the dullest generation planet Earth has ever seen.

So I’ve taken the search to the world’s most renowned (and underground) Extreme Sport training facility. Why didn’t I think of this sooner! These young men and women aren not only fit and fearless, they’re fun! And at the end of the day,  if the work that you do (and the people you work with) are not fun, what is the point?

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