God save the queen, because I’m tired of doing so, darling!

Thankfully this last minute training regime means I've an excuse to avoid spending time with Lara "Empress of the Universe" Croft and her global collection of brats..

Thankfully this last minute training regime means I

I was hoping my time on this side of the pond would be pure R&R, enjoying the games as Wills & Kate’s guest. Not the case, darling!

Turns out there’s been a threat against the queen’s life, and yours truly will be planted amongst the Olympians, running re con — hence early hours extra training. Of course I maintain a rigorous fitness regime throughout the year, but these are the Olympics, darling! Even I find it difficult to keep up with their elite athleticism.

Miss Lizzy (as she refers to herself when she’s had a wee too much sherry) would be fine if she’d just stay home as usual, but she insists on attending the cycling events. I know she keeps up quite the “Oh, what a bore it is. Sports.” But let me tell you, that woman has a nasty interest in men in biking shorts (and the like). And I do mean nasty. I had to review her downloads once, when her personal computer was hacked. And what I saw is forever burned onto the back of my iris’. Even my stupid sister Viva would be embarrassed by some of the acts depicted in those files.
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