I was hoping my time on this side of the pond would be pure R&R, enjoying the games as Wills & Kate’s guest. Not the case, darling!
Turns out there’s been a threat against the queen’s life, and yours truly will be planted amongst the Olympians, running re con — hence early hours extra training. Of course I maintain a rigorous fitness regime throughout the year, but these are the Olympics, darling! Even I find it difficult to keep up with their elite athleticism.
Miss Lizzy (as she refers to herself when she’s had a wee too much sherry) would be fine if she’d just stay home as usual, but she insists on attending the cycling events. I know she keeps up quite the “Oh, what a bore it is. Sports.” But let me tell you, that woman has a nasty interest in men in biking shorts (and the like). And I do mean nasty. I had to review her downloads once, when her personal computer was hacked. And what I saw is forever burned onto the back of my iris’. Even my stupid sister Viva would be embarrassed by some of the acts depicted in those files.