Author Archives: vulvafervor

Dinner with Wills & Kate… at a price.






James “Quantum of Lame” Bond did in fact learn that I’m in town, thanks to my stupid sister Viva’s Twitterthumbs. But I really can’t complain darling: he needs a date for his dinner with Wills & Kate, and I’ve not … Continue reading






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Stood Up — Thank God!






Darling, you’ve no idea how relieved I was when Lara “Empress Of The Universe” Croft had to cancel our coffee date at the last minute because (big surprise) she couldn’t find a sitter for her global collection of moppets. I’m … Continue reading






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No fear of flying whatsoever, darling!






I adore new recruit training season! Here I prepare to take our top student, Pak, to an undisclosed location (hint: “remote tropical island” is in my contract) for the final phase of training — the details of which shall also … Continue reading






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Drive, darling. Drive!






My stupid sister Viva is under house arrest –in my Malibu house, yet! — because of some ridiculous shenanigans over the Memorial Day weekend. Which means I needed to get as far away as possible before I get arrested for … Continue reading






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Le Détecteur de Connerie






It means “Bullshit Detector.’ But that just sounds so banal, darling. The latest from the R&D geniuses at ARDOR: Le détecteur de connerie (It means “Bullshit Detector; But that just sounds so banal, darling). It has a 5 mile range … Continue reading






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My Thanksgiving Tryst Ends With A Search Party. I Never Did Care Much For Holidays.






Six hours, and search & rescue still can’t pry him out of that crevice… I feel just awful, darling. Well, somewhat awful. James “Quantum of Lame” Bond invited me to his remote winter retreat for a holiday tryst, for old … Continue reading






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“The Silver Fox”: so close!






I was so close to finally capturing that one creature that has managed to evade my clutches, The Silver Fox. I picked up on his hypnotic scent at Latitude: 37°46′42.211″N Longitude: 122°23′22.052″ (quelle surprise!), and followed him to the very … Continue reading






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Everyone Needs A Break, Darling.






When my highly trained (and surprisingly accurate) motion-detecting dachshunds indicate that they need a break from work, I find that nothing recharges their batteries quite like a relaxing game of fetch.






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My Stupid Sister Viva invented a new word: “VIVAJAZZLING!”






Look what just popped up in my inbox. and my smart phone. And now the home and ARDOR office phones are ringing off the hook because Little Miss Freeloader is not only crashing with me again (until I can locate … Continue reading






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Off The Grid…






Thanks to idiotic local law enforcement (SFPD AMATEURS!) blowing my cover (and that of my partner, Matti) on a recent top-secret international mission, we’ve been forced deep underground until further notice. Matti (you may recall he was my adorable captor … Continue reading






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