Author Archives: vulvafervor
Adieu to “The King Of Porn” Bjorn
I don’t normally take “souvenir shots” after successfully accomplishing a mission — where would I keep such an enormous collection even if I did? But I couldn’t resist this time. Because the very arrogant target swore that his walls were … Continue reading
My stupid sister Viva: putting the “psycho” in sibling psychotherapy.
Session 2 with Tak, and I don’t believe progress was made. He has established that we have a dependent (Viva on me, naturally) / co-dependent relationship. Yes darling I know, does it get any more cliche than that? So he … Continue reading
THE most elite team ever assembled: The MRS
The past few months have been spent training Empress Of The Universe Angeline Jolie for her latest part as a world-class spy in the film Salt. Much to my chagrin. I’m over it. But apparently they could find no one … Continue reading
Day 1 of sibling counseling with Viva La Diva
This is going to be a long, hard chapter in my life. I can tell already. At ARDOR’s insistence, I’ve begun sibling counseling with my stupid sister Viva. On Monday, we met with Tak Ishii, one of the most esteemed … Continue reading
Now Hiring: Bodyguard
I’ve going to be on assignment in the middle east in a few short weeks, and the brains at ARDOR have decided that due to current unrest there, I will need a bodyguard. Can you believe that? A bodyguard! But… … Continue reading
Welcome, darling. Come inside.
Meet Vulva Fervor: a glamorous peacekeeping agent whose powers of persuasion are far more deadly than any show of force. She is about to face her greatest challenge yet: suppressing the urge to gag her jet-setting, air-headed, loose-lipped “stupid sister … Continue reading
Technology Breakthrough: THE INVIGORATION RAY
Introducing the latest from ARDOR’s technology department: THE INVIGORATION RAY! It’s a “thermostat” that lets you reset your body’s age on a molecular level. In addition to the obvious breakthrough in disease prevention and cure that this is, don’t think … Continue reading
Whatever Facebook wants…
After some strident negotiations, Social Media Goliath Facebook has allowed me to return to their site, under one condition: I’m now represented on a page, rather than a profile. I said “Honestly, darling, what’s the difference?” But you know how … Continue reading
Ask Vulva: My New Beauty and Wellness Column!
During some recent required “down time”, I got a chance to catch up on my fan mail and was overwhelmed by the number of requests for tips on how to maintain a health/beauty/fitness/wellness regime on an impossibly busy schedule. All … Continue reading
My Best-Kept Beauty Secret: A little R&R!
I’ve given up trying to keep track of how often I hear, “Vulva, you’re always so upbeat and energetic. What keeps you going?” It’s no big surprise: Happiness. But of course, one cannot will genuine happiness. It must come from … Continue reading